Friendships shape us. The people we surround ourselves with have the power to either bring out our best or chip away at our confidence and growth. This is the essence of the Michelangelo Effect—a psychological concept that suggests our closest relationships influence how we develop into our ideal selves. Just as Michelangelo once said that his sculptures were already inside the marble, waiting to be revealed, the right friendships help us chip away at self-doubt, bad habits, and limiting beliefs to uncover who we truly are.
But not all friendships sculpt us in the right direction. Some reinforce insecurities, keep us stuck, or even shape us into someone we’re not. So, how can we cultivate friendships that elevate us rather than diminish us? Let’s dive in.
How to Identify If Your Friends Are Sculpting You for the Better
The Michelangelo Effect in friendships happens when:
✅ Your friends support your growth, values, and goals, rather than dismissing them.
✅ They encourage your best qualities and remind you of your strengths when you forget them.
✅ They help you let go of limiting beliefs and destructive habits.
✅ You feel safe, supported, and inspired when around them.
✅ They challenge you in a healthy way, not through criticism but by helping you rise to your potential.
The wrong friendships, on the other hand, can shape us into someone we don’t want to be. If a friendship feels draining, manipulative, or makes you question your worth, it may be time to reevaluate its role in your life.
Friendship Isn’t 50/50 – It’s a Dynamic Balance
A common misconception about friendships is that they should always be 50/50. In reality, they ebb and flow. Sometimes, one person may be giving 90% while the other can only manage 10%, and that’s okay—as long as the dynamic isn’t always one-sided.
Signs of a healthy friendship: ✔ When you need support, they show up—even if you’ve been distant.
✔ They understand that life happens and don’t guilt-trip you for not being “perfect.”
✔ They communicate openly when something feels off.
✔ Over time, the balance evens out.
However, if you find yourself always giving, always apologizing, or always feeling exhausted after spending time with someone, it may be time to reassess.
Are You a Good Sculptor for Your Friends?
Friendship is a two-way street. If we want supportive, growth-oriented relationships, we must also be that kind of friend. Ask yourself:
🔹 Do I celebrate my friends’ wins, or do I feel envious?
🔹 Do I offer support without expecting something in return?
🔹 Am I a safe space for my friends to express their struggles?
🔹 Do I challenge my friends in a way that helps them grow, rather than making them feel judged?
🔹 Do I take the time to listen and really hear what they need?
Self-reflection is key to being a good sculptor. We all have moments where we could be better friends, but awareness and intentionality help us improve.
Checklist: How to Filter Out Toxic Friendships
Not every friendship is meant to last forever. Some relationships run their course, and that’s okay. If you’re unsure whether a friendship is sculpting you in the right direction, consider this checklist:
🚩 Do you feel drained, anxious, or undervalued after spending time with them?
🚩 Do they dismiss your dreams, goals, or emotions?
🚩 Are they only present when they need something?
🚩 Do they bring out a version of you that you don’t like?
🚩 Do they make you feel small, insecure, or unworthy?
🚩 Is the friendship always one-sided, with you doing all the emotional labor?
If you answered yes to several of these, it might be time to step back or set boundaries. True friendships should leave you feeling heard, supported, and empowered.
The Quiet Power of Reflection & Growth in Friendships
The most meaningful friendships aren’t just about fun moments; they are about deep conversations, quiet reflections, and unwavering support. Some of the strongest people I know have been shaped by friendships with women who have overcome hardship, illness, or trauma, yet still show up for others. They create safe spaces not just for themselves but for those around them.
Meeting women who dedicate their time to empowering others, educating men, and fostering healing has been one of the most powerful experiences of my life. Their quiet strength, their ability to rise despite adversity, and their refusal to let hardship define them inspire me daily.
This is the power of finding your tribe—a group of people who reflect back the best parts of you, who stand by you when life is tough, and who celebrate you without hesitation.
If you haven’t found your tribe yet, keep looking. And if you have, take a moment to appreciate them today.
Who in your life has helped sculpt you into a better version of yourself? Let them know. 💙
Studio Nine 